You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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