I heard we made out
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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