I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
