1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
