you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
