I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
