I feel like abortions should bother me more
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
