I am puke
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he shaved USA in his pubs
My cat gives me a boner
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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