PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
