Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
