Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
