I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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