i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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