I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
