btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
