Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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