When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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