If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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