I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
