My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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