Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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