so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
