What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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