so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
