Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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