Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
