I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
