sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize