i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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