the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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