Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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