I wannas sexs uuuuu
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
