Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You have to summon your inner elephant
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
