The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
