it wasn't lemon gatorade
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
