my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
