best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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