i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
