If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
