I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
