Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
