I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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