508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
