if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Are we still banned from the library?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
