I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
