Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
