A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
