I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
