i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
