I just pynch a tree in the face
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Houston, we have a blender
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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