Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
