I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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