My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
