dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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