I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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