shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
