I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
