It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
