I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
