I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
