I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
