Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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