so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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