You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
