THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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