Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
