i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
